Software Developers and the Art of Going Home
A summer party, free drinks. Music. “Forced Fun”.
Except it isn’t. From looking at the number of engineers who attended I could see … it wasn’t that many.
Because I was there, counting the number of engineers who showed up. All I could think about was going home.
It’s My Fault
I can’t say that I was having a terrible time. I quite like most of my colleagues, and the food was really fine.
Yet I just wanted to leave. To go home would be fantastic. To go to the supermarket, that would still be something. To wander around listening to Podcasts, that would be an upgrade.
I don’t think I’m alone as a software developer in having these feelings. I don’t think I’m even alone as an employee. Yet I’ll never know because people aren’t discussing these things (at least not in public).
As soon as I go somewhere I’m mentally calculating whether I’ve stayed long enough to avoid offending anyone, when I can perhaps leave through a side door and get out of there. It didn’t matter that I didn’t have anything better to do, because what I treasure is the possibility that I can do something.
The Introverts Dilemma
If I leave now I could do anything. I could read. I could write. I could go for a walk. I could watch a movie. I could do absolutely nothing and feel wonderful about it.
That’s the magic of free time. Not what you actually do with it, but what you could do with it.
Introverts can dream of this flexibility. The idea that nothing has to be rushed, that there aren’t any deadlines looming is just the crème on top.
I know, I know there are some extroverts who gain energy from people. The party is the thing they’re doing, talking to people and interacting with strangers. They feel energized and ready to go! Unfortunately that’s not all of us, and it’s not what everyone feels.
Me
I keep sitting by people in the office who I don’t know. I don’t recognize them at all, and they don’t say hi to me. I don’t say hi to them. We don’t know each other’s names, and often I’m not sure that we work in the same business unit at all.
I always know that when there is an event after 6 that I could have used that time for freedom. The time could have been used when nothing would have been decided for me, and I could have used it as I saw fit.
On the other hand I know what I’d do. I’ll rush home excited by the possibilities of my evening only to spend forty-five minutes watching YouTube videos about keyboards I’ll never buy before scrolling Reddit for another half hour.
Then feel a bit bored and go to bed, unable to sleep due to lack of stimulation. That’s entertainment. Freedom isn’t always productive, it isn’t always fun. That’s just how things are. But I accept this is all really my fault.
Not Really My Fault
Software development is perhaps partly to blame for this way of thinking, with much of our day scheduled for us. Tickets arrive in sprint planning and they become the limit of our responsibility over two weeks, no more and no less. We estimate work with a finger in the air, and don’t need to worry about how it fits in with a prioritisation discussion which happens above our level.
Perhaps it’s because we don’t have any freedom over our time, over our own destinies that software developers take the quick wins of leaving parties early.
I suspect there are plenty of people reading this wondering what’s wrong with me. There are probably an equal number wondering why I stayed so long.
All I know is that sometimes the greatest luxury isn’t what you’re doing. It’s knowing that for the next few hours, you don’t have to do anything at all.
No regrets. Well, apart from missing the free desserts.
About The Author
Professional Software Developer “The Secret Developer” can be found on Twitter @TheSDeveloper and regularly publishes articles through Medium.com
The Secret Developer believes that free time is like technical debt. Once it’s gone, getting it back is surprisingly difficult.