The Great Grilling Tech Exclusion

Picture a lighthearted retro icebreaker session. You know the kind. “Your favorite dish to cook”, right?

This session didn’t go how I expected. As I went round the room asking each member their dish (to relieve the monotony of work at a tech company) hearing about each person’s microwave fish curry I didn’t expect the twist.

Rejection, Again

I wasn’t surprised that some decided to say that they “never” cook, practically refusing to answer the question at all.

No. This was about that team member who thought they were best placed to be the social centre of the department, and wanted to remind everyone that they own both a smoker and a patio.

Pause. Blink. Internal Error.

It turns out the team had a BBQ last summer. First I’d heard of it, naturally.

Thanks for the invite, don’t worry about me. No, I’ll just hide in this corner thanks.

Welcome to Tech Team Politics

Honestly I’ve given up on Friday drinks. I may or may not know who’s pregnant, engaged, or moving to the suburbs. But a team BBQ? That implies team. And somehow, I missed the memo. I’ve felt this for some time, but this makes it rather obvious. I’m not a member of the team, even contractors are better liked and supported than me. Weirdly, they read out the names of each team member who had come to their informal session and what a great time had been had by all.

Sure, didn’t say anything during this session. I didn’t disturb the exciting flow of this session, and played nice (hey, I need this job). Yet the grillmaster realised this revelation wasn’t quite working for them, and added:

“Uh, well, next time I’ll invite everyone. If I get a pay raise, haha”

I’m quite impressed that they realized their team event didn’t actually invite everyone, but this panicked save didn’t really do the job. At least not for me.

Is This a Big Deal?

This wasn’t just a cookout. This was a concrete representation of the power structures apparent in software development teams. It’s these small, seemingly insignificant acts that remind you where you sit on the social org chart.

I know for sure now. I’m below the propane tank.

I know. I shouldn’t be so intense. I shouldn’t want to eat ribs. In a way I don’t, I don’t want to be seen at all.

That’s a problem move, because when people form social circles and forget to loop you in your ability to collaborate, be trusted, and to be valued is compromised. I’m in trouble here but so is the team. Cohesive teams communicate, while fractured teams grill each other behind closed doors.

Conclusion

I think I’ve learned my lesson.

At the next retro I run, the prompt will be

“What’s the pettiest thing you’ve held onto for 6+ months?”

We’ll see how that one goes.

About The Author

Professional Software Developer “The Secret Developer” can be found on Twitter @TheSDeveloper and regularly publishes articles through Medium.com

The Secret Developer knows on the day of the BBQ they were sitting alone at home watching “The biggest loser”.