The Raise is the Red Flag

Oh no! My company has been acquired by a rather famous crew of caffeinated zealots who think “crunch mode” is a protein bar. This has been on the horizon for some time, and it’s something that has filled me with dread.

The cultural change is happening, and they’re buttering us up as we approach the start line. They’re lining our pockets and it feels like they are handing us a velvet choke collar.

That’s no raise

No pay increase comes without accompanying strings. If you’re getting more money they’ll be extra expectations and requirements. At some point you’re no longer getting paid to do your job, you’re getting paid to do exactly what you are told (and you’ll do it when we say you’re doing it).

There’s a reason these companies throw money at you while whispering sweet nothings about “passion” and “hustle” in the same breath.

When you hear passion shouted from the sidelines it’s fairly certain that you need to work weekends and pretend it’s a privilege.

Salary increases should be about recognizing value, not pre-paying for burnout.

From Chill to Kill

So my concerns are very real, and I’ve been here before. Slack messages sent at 11PM. Retros that are passive-aggressive discussions about “process” but degenerate into personal attack.

Pretty soon all managers start to idolize Elon Musk’s work ethic and make the hardcore culture of achievement the minimum level of expectation for everyone or they can leave.

I’m already hearing liberal use of accountability and urgency and value in every meeting. They’re the code for “you need to do more with less. Faster”.

When you’ve been mission-driven across a few companies you start to notice that the mission isn’t the product or customers. It’s stress, speed and hard deadlines.

Arbitrary Deadlines

Let’s talk about those deadlines. The ones that “have to be done” because someone above you said so. Not based on complexity. Not based on value. Just vibes and volume.

You’ll make it happen because let’s face it, you have to. When you meet the deadline the next one comes up right behind, with no time for consideration or planning. Each time you make a deadline it means you’re tacitly agreeing to more aggressive deadlines in the future. Tech debt piles up, and it’s not going to get any better over time.

Performance Theater

Our particular salary increase is being accompanied by a “realignment” of roles. We don’t yet know what that means, but I’ve a good idea.

You can’t just work weekends, because how is that innovative? What new processes did you implement for the team? Did you take on more work that’s more than your current job description? You’d better.

It’s very difficult to protect boundaries when the ground is shifted beneath your feet. You need to prove that you’re working hard enough and innovate, and since you don’t know where the goal is you have to overshoot.

This isn’t paranoia. This is the productivity ponzi scheme where the house always wins.

The Opt Out

I’m sure you’ve been reading this blog for a while, and you might well understand that I’m somewhat stressed about the current state of the world (and my job).

Yet I think it’s time to view this with a wry sense of humor rather than stress. This is all simply experience that I can monetise through this blog (which gives me a longer runway should the worst happen).

That beats documenting the deadlines and unreasonable requests for work. Because you know what happens, either management are on your side or they aren’t. Even in grind factories there are quiet rebels who know how to under promise and overdeliver, and I think it’s time I learned to be one of them.

Conclusion

If my new corporate overlords want to grind my team into a fine developer paste, there’s a brutal truth to this.

I can always leave.

That’s more difficult when they’re paying more money, isn’t it?

About The Author

Professional Software Developer “The Secret Developer” can be found on Twitter @TheSDeveloper.

The Secret Developer is spiralling with no good reason.