When Leaders Say They Wish They Were Senior Engineers Again
Every few months, usually during an all-hands or a “leadership fireside chat”, managers usually say the same thing.
“Honestly? Sometimes I wish I were still a senior engineer.”
They usually pause afterward, expecting a laugh.
Sometimes they even get one. I don’t laugh.
Because this sentence is not humility. It’s not nostalgia. And it’s definitely not inspirational.
The Fantasy of the Senior Engineer Life
In the mind of a certain type of leader, the senior engineer role is a kind of professional beach vacation.
No meetings.
No people problems.
No politics.
Just headphones on, code flowing, dopamine hits from green checkmarks and approving pull requests.
I imagine they think a developer’s life is a combination of the following.
Problems are technical, not human
Deadlines are “challenging” instead of impossible
Failure is a failed test, not a missed reorg signal
Coding is fun, and the org supports coders in their job
I have one problem with this. This version of senior engineering does not exist.
Or if it does, it exists only in the same place as frictionless Agile and well-written Jira tickets.
Because all it takes to bust the fantasy is a deadline plucked from mid air that ignores all the complexity and architectural changes required to deliver it.
What They’re Actually Saying (But Won’t Admit)
When a leader says they wish they were still a senior engineer, what they usually mean is one of the following.
“I don’t enjoy managing people”
“I’m bad at handling conflict”
“I didn’t realize leadership involved responsibility”
“I want respect without accountability”
Senior engineers are not shielded from stress. They just get different stress. Stress is never any fun.
Senior developers carry the following.
Technical debt that nobody else understands
Implicit ownership they never formally agreed to
Systems that break at 3 a.m. for reasons nobody can explain
The difference is that senior engineers are expected to deal with reality, not narrate it in a slide deck.
The Cowardice of Nostalgia
Here’s the uncomfortable truth.
If you’re a leader who wishes they were still a senior engineer, you probably shouldn’t be a leader. Because you certainly shouldn’t be telling people that you’re not enjoying or not equipped to do your job.
Leadership is not a promotion for people who got tired of coding.
It’s a different job entirely.
And saying you want to “go back” is a way of avoiding the present one.
Imagine a surgeon saying the following.
“Sometimes I wish I were just a med student again”
Or a pilot saying:
“Honestly, flying the plane is stressful. I miss the simulator”
We wouldn’t call that relatable.
We’d call it alarming.
Senior Engineers Don’t Need Your Pity
What makes this comment worse is how condescending it is to actual senior engineers.
It implies a few scary things. They think the job of engineers is.
easier
their responsibility is lighter
their stress is somehow less valid
Senior engineers are the ones silently compensating for leadership mistakes:
vague strategy
overcommitted roadmaps
undertrained teams
They don’t “wish” they were something else.
They just do the work and hope the blast radius is manageable.
If You Miss Engineering, Be Honest
There is nothing wrong with stepping back into an individual contributor role.
Nothing.
But don’t cosplay regret in public and expect applause.
If you miss engineering:
Step down
Make space for someone who wants to lead
Stop using nostalgia as emotional outsourcing
Leadership is not supposed to be comfortable.
That’s the point. That’s what you’re paid for.
Final Thought
The worst leaders aren’t the ones who fail.
They’re the ones who wish they were somewhere else while everyone else pays the price.
If you’d rather be a senior engineer, that’s fine.
Just don’t lead like someone counting the days until escape.
About The Author
Professional Software Developer “The Secret Developer” can be found on Twitter @TheSDeveloper.
The Secret Developer wishes they got the money of the leadership team without taking more responsibility too. But they’re not so stupid as to say that at an all hands meeting.